That’s right my cheap China shoes came. Fake timbalands.with fur round the outside and fur inside. Hell to the yeahhh £12 bargain!  

When on maternity pay.. Cheap China ebay shit is everything a girl could ask for but with the worst delivery time in history… I’ve been waiting a good 3 weeks for my cheap shit china boots. But when I opened that tatty white box, it felt like Christmas.

Off I go to test out these boots the best way I know how… FOOD SHOPPING. (microwave meal shopping)  after many a conversation about post baby diets… Hearing my new cyber mom friends stories about homecooked risottos being thrown in the bin… I’ve decided to cut my losses and only shop in the Mirical aisle of ‘3minute meals’  it means I get a hot meal.. In 3 minutes… And that my friends is God’s way of telling me he’s got my back with this baby buisness.

When I get back with my maryland cookies and my 2 ping meals for tea.i smell PISS. not baby piss. cat piss. It’s one of the two offenders. Dory or Alfalfa. I sniff test the living room and quickly decide it can only be the rather neglected cat litter tray (I’m sorry but nobody loves that job)

We make a deal. Someone settles Oscar. Someone cleans the tray. NOW USUALLY… I’d think settling Oscar was the short straw. But with the events that followed,id take a shit storm of poonamis and Oscar tantrums any day!

I take the litter tray, in the dead of dark to the outside bin. I’ve forgotten my phone for a light… Am I going back. Am I fuck… This job sucks as it is, let’s not make it any longer. I open the bin.. Tip the tray anddd…. CAT PISS RUNS INTO MY FUR-LINED CHEAP SHIT EBAY BOOTS…