Mommy + Daddy’s night off…

Yeah… Last night.. Was OUR NIGHT. We were all booked up to go see Justin Bieber. (I’d have rather have gone to Justin’s house off cbeebies after recent revelations … 🙄)  

We had our accidental purchase (accidently on purpose on gingys card) VIP tickets..(whoops-a-daisy Beth)  And I sure as hell walked past the ques and ques of people feeling like royalty. However.. Just before we arrived we read the tickets ‘please dress in a manner appropriate for a smart evening’ . And I was standing in my oversized MEN’S t-shirt and a pair of boots ‘oh for fuck sake, fucking nob, I’d have bloody made a bit more of an effort than my £11.99 men’s t-shirt and primark boots. shit. .. Inside were the floppy hat slags (as a good friend of mine calls them)  you know the ones with those giant floppy sun hats and faces contoured into next year with tight little dresses no bigger than a size 8. Yeah.. Lots of them. And… US. So we were very much out of our depth. I mean.. There was more than one fork.. I knew I was screwed. (I didn’t use any of the cutlery once… And I still put my chewing gum under the table shoot me now. ) 

You can take the girl out of Wolverhampton but you can’t take the Wolverhampton out of the girl.. There were two options on the Menu.. Posh.. And paupers – I definitely took the pauper option of a hot dog and chips (worded as if it were some gourmet masterpiece by Jamie Oliver himself) 

The waitress.. A teenage girl who looks like she wears a full tracksuit and airmaxs in her spare time and has a Facebook name like ‘lady letisha KMT snm’ who couldn’t keep up a posh waitress performance long, spooned ketchup onto gingys plate and lap… He didn’t even want ketchup. Thankyou waitress… You inspired a badass complaint this morning in hope of freebies (pray for beth) 

The performance. My eyes rolled back into my head more times than when gingys telling me off for something… The cheesy ‘you guys have a purpose, you matter.. I see all of you‘ Bollocks just doesn’t wash with me after you’ve basically told us all to shut our traps! I also learnt that I can’t do that hand bouncy thing that people do at concerts..(I bet lady letisha snm KMT could)  I have become a mom. The music was far too bassy and loud and I sang more than he bloody did. MAY ASWELL OF SAT IN THE CAR WITH THE CD ON FULL BLAST WITH A STROBE LIGHT IN THE BACK.

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