RIGHT. hartbeeps. I decided I’d no longer deprive Oscar of baby interaction and I’d actually take him to something . . . Harbeeps,I’ve seen cute pictures on instagram and so on. . Perfect 👌 or so I thought . 

After a seriously mad rush to make it in time (11am yes I know it’s not early early but y’knowwww sleep deprivation and my new found laziness)  we MADE It 5 to 11.i can already hear the music. . Shit. I pop my head round the door to be greeted by the snobby mum crew all giving each other the eye. . . Fuck off bitches your babies still shit like the rest of ours. Turns out. . . I was half hour early. So. . . Half an hour round sainsburys and a park trip later. We were back. All 3 of us in a class. . 🙄

Right IF YOU ENJOY MR Tumble (if you do.. Please seek physciatric help) , you’ll enjoy this class. . It looked like Mr tumble had thrown up half the set of Justin’s house across the floor. I felt like I’d been chucked into a cbeebies programme where everyone spoke high pitched and I felt like I was being totally patronised. ‘HOLD THE STAR ABOVE OSCARS HEAD MUMMY’  Smiley Smiley happy clappy fucking I’VE HAD NOT SLEEP

OH FUCK OFF. so anyway I’m not sure what I was expecting but I thought , cute photo opportunity , perhaps meet a mum friend, Oscar might actually enjoy something other than paw patrol.

Wrong. Oscar shat a serious stinker at the beginning baby massage,  we were wafting a glittery sheet round that looked like it was a cut off from the market (wafting Oscars shit smell around)  I had to take my shoes off. . . I did not have socks on. . Or well kept feet. And oscy seemed to think the lady taking the class was abit mental and kept attempting to cry at her. I spent a full hour PRAYING Oscars shit didn’t seep onto the disgusting bright colored teddy blanket he was sat on. Or should I say ‘pumpkin patch‘  all in all. It wasn’t for me. I’d need straight vodka if I went again. Lord please make a baby/cocktail class. 🙏