Right I’ve been absent for a while and all I can say is sorry… Motherhood got in the way, you know like when you mean to reply to that text about your friend FINALLY shaggin’ that dude.. Or your mum asking what the password is to her new Facebook. (OK maybe you actually MEANT to ignore that text)  but you catch my drift… When you just start typing ‘hell yeeah we can get drunk after playgroup’  but your baby pukes down its third clean outfit of the day. That’s me. That’s me and my blogs. I’m getting like-two sentences. So here’s one for you lucky devils from today.

Today I attempted perfect parenting. I took Oscar to his Daddy’s football match. It was cute, I’m pointing like Ohhhh look Oscar there’s your dada dada dada.. Oscar is pinching my face talking to a tree behind me.

OK Oscar let’s move round the pitch so you can see dada dada dadaaaaa. I TROD IN DOG SHIT.

OK… OK.. No.. Perfect parenting isn’t over. We can do this. There’s a park. We could salvage this by going on the swings. Off we go.. I’m walking. Calm. Collected. Confident. I AM A GOOD MOTHER. no.. I’m.. Stuck. Holy mother fuck we’re in quicksand. No OK not quite quicksand.. But a bog. Literally a pond with a bit of mud chucked in, I’m sorry but if you’ve ever tried to move a mothercares own pram – even on some wet grass.. You can see my problem. I legitimately was fully stuck WHITE CONVERSE DEEP. Anyway… Cut to the part when we finally made it to the park.. Soggy converse and all. I stood giving dirty looks to a woman who’s baby was clearly only in the swing so she could text… So I could finally put Oscar on the swing. And… The snot was dribbling from his nose into his mouth,he clearly was uninterested and we may aswell of took a lie in.

Got in the car on the way home ‘can you smell dog shit…..’ 

And that was my day of good parenting.