Feeding time in my house goes as follows..
Feeding Oscar his dinner – lasagne+garlic bread …
What is this dog shit… Where did you even get this from? … It’s gross, I’m gonna spit it right back at you bitch, who would even eat this dirt,AND DO NOT EVEN BRING THAT GARLIC BREAD BOLLOCKS MY WAY because I WILL smack it out of your hands.comprende?
Me eating lasagne for lunch,
Oscar races over in the walker, mouth wide open,
Oscar mommy… You must feed me the fine delicacy that your eating immediately or I will scream,a scream so loud that the neighbours will phone child line. OH AND THAT garlic bread, OH YES I’ll take the lot, you don’t need it mommy I’m starving..
Oscar 💭 NOOOOO MOMMY WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING REMOVING MY NAPPY IT’S SOOO WARM AND SQUIDGY AND HOW COULDDDD YOU TAKE IT OFF ME IMA KICK YOU HARD, GET OFF!!! , I’m gonna roll away real quick bitch, ain’t no way on this earth that your getting away with removing the squishy one and replacing with fresh NEH!
Me, oh lord.. I can’t handle this for the third time today, OK, little bit of nappy free time, air him all out, let him calm down…4 mins later.. OH MY GOD NO OSCAR DO NOT SQUASH THAT INTO MY SHEEPSKIN RUG, HOLY MOTHER OF GOD *googling how to remove shit from rug, whilst running a bath * Oscar… Did you really need to piss on me why I carried you to the bath…