It’s rare that I’ll write in the morning, for a number of reasons, usually I’m too busy trying to ignore the whimpering down the baby monitor, trying to catch a few more z’s. Sometimes it’s because I’m frantically shoving nappy sacks and snacks in a cooler bag for the day ahead before the angel wakes up. Today.. Today I have work but I’m writing it anyway.
The night shift is a dreaded task in my house ONLY DONE BY ME.. I’d like to add. (lazy prick.. 🙄 🖕) it often see’s us driving round the block trying to get him to sleep or lots of SHHHHH ing and using ewans batteries like never before.
But one things for certain I NEVER wanted to be that mom who was like ‘he always gets into my bed,’ or… ‘he comes in with us every night’ no… No no fucking no! I’m far to selfish to share my duvet with ANOTHER Person. Gingy I can just about tolerate. The two cats on the end taking up the legroom is infuriating, but if you add a child too. That’s it. My life’s over. (no I’m not being fucking dramatic!)
Last night I did something I never.. Ever… Thought I’d do, the baby starts crying after an hour of sleep (my sleep!) I go in and the smell of shit hits me. It’s a code red. Cleaning a shitty nappy will 100% wake him more. I do it like a plaster, quick and painless. But that kid is screaming like I’ve killed him.. Queue gingy shouting ‘shut up’ intermittently (that doesn’t fucking help dickhead)
I take him out the cot.. Try to calm him down that way… An alarm starts going off… Fucking breathing alarm! Totally forgot to turn it off. It’s adding to the stress. Screaming banshee baby, time bomb alarm,’shut up’ bright lights… This isn’t good. Think think think. That’s when it come to me. Just get in his cot with him. That’s right. Me and a baby in a cot. It worked.. He settled to sleep on my chest.. Me.. Legs bent up to my waist, neck and head all pushed up against the bars… No pillow (safety first ladies and gents) after being selfless for an hour. I’d had enough of being mother Theresa. It was bed time. So.. I started to manoeuvre, not gonna lie.. Took a few times, some readjusting and… I pulled a muscle trying to get my dressing gown off to.. Leaving him with a false sense of security. Ladies and gents. I slept the whole night since. Boo yah!!!