Going to the supermarket with a child is a real pain in the arse isn’t it.. Like you have to pack a change bag, they always fall asleep in the car on route there. Meaning you have to wake them to go in the trolley.. And we all know.. Waking a child.. Well waking anybody, but specifically a child is like WAKING THE DEVIL HIMSELF.

You have to handle the screaming whilst managing to get every item off your imaginary list. Bit like supermarket sweep but way worse.

You spend every aisle giving the baby inanimate objects to keep them quiet “here.. Take these baby wipes wowww” “Wow.. Look at this dog toy” “oooh these supernoodles are shiny” that get thrown with great force at other shoppers, while you give them the polite smile but also the DON’T SAY A F***ING WORD eyes.

And then of course in desperation you open a pack of chocolate buttons don’t you, like.. It’s worth It, if I get in trouble, so be it, I’d go to jail for a good sleep anyway.

But what we take for granted is, we always have someone with us, what happens when someone’s said ‘ah just leave him here while you nip to the shop it’s fine’

I’ll tell you what happens. It goes to shit, where do you put your purse? You have no bag because this purse has lived in that change bag for like.. ever.

Your hands.. Your hands suddenly don’t know what to do, do you swing your arms down the aisle? Do you put them in your pockets. It’s alien. You’ve no idea what to do with your hands. And then last but not least you start talking to yourself. ‘wow this is a nice new beans can‘… You get other customers glaring at you like a fruit loop.

Smiling at other babies now looks like your a paedophile rather than ‘another mom in the supermarket’ and the glare you get back off a fellow mom when you give them that ‘I know how you feel’ look is a very stern ‘no you f*****g dont’ look!