How to discipline your toddler

Hahahahaha first off.. Its not going to happen.They are mini dicktators (trust me.. The spelling was on purpose) in their own right.

After being in a desperate position myself, of googling how to discipline a toddler it almost seems its impossible so lets pick apart the most popular advice I’ve found.

  1. IGNORING THE BEHAVIOUR – ok so ignoring the behaviour seems like a good idea; ignore the bad, praise the good, eventually they’ll realise that good behaviour gets the attention they crave. WRONG THEY JUST TRASH YOUR HOUSE WHILST LAUGHING LIKE MANIAC, unfortunately ignoring my toddler paddling in the dogs water bowl and eating dog biscuits just resulted in me and the dog sitting in the living room hugging and whimpering!
  2. GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT ON YOUR TERMS I’m sorry this is totally a cop out, you’re already given crying into your cereal on the fourth tantrum for chocolate before 10am, basically what we’re saying is bribe them. Absolutely fuck all to do with discipline however easyyyy life,you sit nicely and stop crying and ill allow you chocolate. To be fair I do think this is the majoritys idea of discipline.
  3. DISTRACT AND DIVERT distract and divert is pretty difficult for me, I mean like when we’re leaving the park there is absolutely nothing exciting to distract and divert with…. What is more amazing than swings and slide? I mean… Oscar look at the leaves and sticks.. Doesn’t cut it.. Which leads me back too.. Just bribe him, chocolate speaks loud and clear guys!
  4. WALK AWAY guys if you walk away from a toddler, it’s not like walking away from say, a dog, or an older child – toddlers DON’T GIVE A SHIT they’re gonna run the opposite way, back to those swings/things you would rather them not play with/the childcatcher

5.TIMEOUT timeout was just a special 5minutes of me getting laughed at, Oscar trying desperately to to run away/jump off the chair and kicking me as best he could, he had absolutely no idea why he was there – and to be fair I felt like I needed an ice pack on my cheek and booze.

So there we go, the way to discipline – deal with your toddler is… To bribe them with chocolate and hide in the cupboard with a drink until the tantrum is over.

Good luck mamas, papas and grandparents go get yourself a multipack of buttons.