My tips for events with toddlers

I mean… The first and most effective is.. Don’t go-with a close second of get a babysitter. However if neither of these are an option here’s my handy list to get through.

1. A FULLY CHARGED IPAD WITH A SHIT TON ON, I’M TALKING MR TUMBLE RE-RUNS.. SOME BEN AND HOLLY AND A FEW EASY GAMES TO GET YOU THROUGH. but….. It needs to be FULLY CHARGED don’t half arse it, leave it on overnight for affirmity!
2. BRIBERY SNACKS. forget the whole ‘one mini roll a day’ im talking a 24 pack and crisps on top… You want something good enough to lur them away from mischief but not so good that you eat it yourself OR people judge you (I. E you’re not allowed to bring chocolate cake with custard in a thermal mug)
3. A dummy. Sure you were weaning them off it… Sure they havent had one. Since they were six weeks old….. But….. Yer’no in a church for a wedding or christening when your toddlers new word is ‘BITCH’ you need to make a wise choice. Wonky teeth or a dummy for a few hours… I know which I pick, those teeth fall out eventually
4. A bag full of toys, I want you to feel like a magician pulling things out of a hat, that even you yourself are impressed by, I’m talking trains, pretend milk bottles, a doll perhaps even a rubix cube or two?
5. Last but not least… An excuse.. A fully fledged and rehearsed excuse to leave-mine genuinely is ‘the dog has a dicky belly and don’t want to return to diarrhoea in my living room’ but… Feel free to change that round… Your cat… Your nan.. Your goldfish 😂

May the odds be ever in your favor.