Colposcopy crap…

Right I know there’s a massive push right now for you girlie’s to get your smears done. It’s not something I’d usually write about.. I usually write about the living things that leave our vag… But hey ho.Im telling you all because after my smear I had NO FUCKING idea what to expect.Any who i got this appointment in the post not long after my smear which BTW was quicker than me trying to get my jeans and pants off and folded onto the chair.So…. for about 2 weeks i told everyone at work I had to go for a camera up my arse and i was really nervous. Purchased a posh razor for just before the event to…. You know.. Make sure they had a smooth entrance.Anyway.. Here’s a handful of things about this appointment that you need to know

  1. It’s a COLPoscopy NOT to be confused with a colonoscopy, that’s right.. The chocolate starfish is well and truly out of action. When i told everyone at work after.. They pissed themselves.
  2. If you wanna tidy up for the event feel free but if you’re like me.. don’t forget to do your legs too, all well and good having a super smooth vag with 6incbes of leg hair in stirrups next to it. Lorddddddd…
  3. I don’t know if this goes for everyone’s appointments it’s not something I’ve had chance to speak to people in depth about but my vag was a super star, she got her own ring light, and a camera with a TV – I got to watch my vag on the big screen, basically a celeb.
  4. Last but officially not least DO NOT DO GAS INDUCING FOODS BEFOREHAND leave the bottle of fizzy and beans on toast for after, I kid you not, trying to hold a fart whilst being told to relax for the speculum and having your legs. In stirrups WITH SOMEONE’S HEAD. NEXT TO YOUR VAG Is a skill and I’m unsure how i managed.

That’s basically all I’m gonna tell you, it didn’t hurt.. It was over in 5minutes and potentially could save your life. Well worth it. But lay off the baked beansOh and take your own sanitary pad unless u wanna look like you’re smuggling a mattress in your leggings like I did.