What is it with kids and tidy up time?! Every night about 10 minutes before the other half gets back I do a speed clean (so that I look like ive done more than sat scrolling facebook and insta all day) and I swear to you every night without fail my toddler – who has ALL THE F***ING TOYS HE OWNS out on the rug, pretends he’s playing with every single thing I try to tidy away. Getting everything in the kallax boxes or at least in the messy-but-where-its-meant-to-be corner is like a proper military operation.

Like i grab hold of the paw patrol cars ‘nooo mommy no I’m playing with that’ as he snatches them and clutches them to his chest.The pj mask figures ‘no mommy no no noooo mommy cat boy speed im playing with that’ the friggin pound balloon i bought in card factory just to keep him from dragging his feet and kicking up a fuss? You guessed it ‘NO MOMMY ITS MY FAVVVVVVVEEEE-WIT MOMMY I’M PLAYING WITH THAT‘ and honestly right now I just want to say ‘FUCK OFF YOU CANT POSSIBLY BE PLAYING WITH EVERY PEICE OF FUCKING PLASTIC SHIT ON THIS FLOOR, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS IS? THE CHURCH SHITTING PLAYGROUP ON A WEDNESDAY MORNING?!?!’

But all I actually say is ‘ok darling, but it’s tidy up time now, so can you help mommy tidy up?’ to which of course he absolutely DOES NOT so then… Plan B ‘IF YOU DONT HELP MOMMY TIDY UP THESE TOYS BEFORE DADDY GETS HOME SANTA WILL NOT BE COMING!!’

He chucks one toy in the kallax and instead go’s and sits on the sofa and watches ANOTHER episode of paw patrol. Give me strength.