Dear Santa,I’ve been fairly good this year, i mean I’ve cheated on my diet umpteen times and I’ve swore like a pirate. BUT I haven’t sent my toddler with my stash of old pound coins for the charity days at school, and I haven’t kicked up a heavy drug habit. So.. You know I’d say I’m on the good list.I’ve wrote a list of things I’d like, and I’m hoping you deliver Mr.Claus please see below.

  1. LOTS OF BAILEYS. it’s no secret that I run off baileys coffee, and if we’re completely honest it’s probably what has kept me starting up a heavy drug habit.
  2. FANCY COFFEE. see above. I want some of the fancy shit that gingy won’t allow in the basket when he’s paying for the food shop. I need maximum caffeine AFTERALL I’m up the entire night, feeding a small person.
  3. A SPA DAY WITH OVERNIGHT STAY. A little much I know, but if you don’t ask you don’t get and I think after living on dry shampoo and a quick wash in the morning I’m entitled to a little luxury and A FULL NIGHTS SLEEP. bliss. Hand me the nytols!
  4. VOUCHERS for 3 precious things at home. An uninterrupted shit. A bath where nobody joins me. And 30 minutes sitting on youtube on the toilet pretending I can’t hear the almighty shit storm downstairs. (I believe you accidentally gave my other half multiple vouchers last year)
  5. SOME NEW BIG PANTS I don’t theres any need to pretend I’m gonna put proper nice pants on, but I’ve had these ones since I birthed my first. Can I have some new ones, these ones accidentally went in with a black sock are are abit grey.
  6. COMFY PAJAMAS been as they are my day to day attire, why not have some fresh ones, maybe even some that would pass as clothes, so I can wear them on the school run.
  7. A CLEANER you’ll know exactly why I’m asking when you attempt to get in to drop the presents off. Stay vigilant their are empty cups and sweet wrappers just ready to jump out at you.

IF for any reason santa, you can’t get these gifts to me, please just have your naughty elves spill a drink on my partners xbox, accidentally tread on fifa and cod. And a bit of Christmas magic to keep the kids asleep for longer than 2 hours at a time. Or I’ve heard brandy does the same job?Lots of love,Beth age 26.5