There comes a time in every mothers life that they have to say “put your winky away” now, it’s been a frequent line in our house as Oscar thinks it’s quite hillarious to have his winky hanging over the band of his joggers, you have to keep a straight face and explain that “its rude” and…pray that your inner giggle isn’t showing in your eyes.

So there we were, for oscars hearing test, and its a very quiet room, it has toys – multi colored wooden hoops, little peg dolls and a large screen – now, you usually can sit in the room with oscar but been as we had noisy Eden, we were asked to stand behind the screen, we could still watch and see everything and i presumed he would probably be able to see us too.

I’m dealing with screamer I mean Eden, the 5 month old, colicky, teething screaming spawn of satan when the hearing test begins, she asks oscar to put the multi colored peg dolls into the boat,

No problem, im bouncing eden up and down in the next room, she then goes to adjust the pitch, and that when i catch it, from the corner of my eye, i see him pulling his winky above his joggers, hes giggling – the lady…. Hasn’t noticed thankfully but here i am, behind the screen bouncing screamer HEAVILY GESTURING TO PUT THE WINKY BACK IN THE PANTS.

it’s like hes blind, like he doesn’t even care what im saying, i am pointing at my INVISIBLE NONE EXISTANT PENIS AND PUTTING IT BACK IN MY JEAN’S.

and in walks the assistant, who looks completely puzzled at me, walks into the screening and does a little smirk and NOD towards small persons crotch.

It was at that point I popped my head round the door, red faces all round and said “oscar, put your winky away please ” the little shit heard me clear as day. Think the hearing test was a success.

Must work on the winky thing.

Thank god we were discharged from hearing services.