And a message to those of you WHO ARE participating in valentine’s, in the more…. Traditional way.

Erm…. Nan don’t read any further. Thanks.
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Ok, flavored lubes are not to go up your hoohar unless you want a weekend of stingy stingy. That’s for your taste buds only.
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The chocolate starfish may only be entered with PRIOR CONSENT and a 30 minute warmup, with lube. No random prodding. Thankyou.
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.dont suddenly decide a few hours prior to fun time that its a good day to try hair removal cream…. It is not. Unless you are happy to take the risk that you may light up the room with your GLOW…
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Towels down on the bed, last thing you wanna be doing is lying in sticky chocolate body paint, a wet patch, or changing bed covers at sleepy sleep time.
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. Talking of sticky body paint,….. Sticky isn’t all that sexy. Just saying.
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if you plan to involve any extra curricular in your evening of fun, make sure all batteries are full of power, all cuffs have a quick release, and that any cream is in date.
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Folks.. If you dont want to be squeezing a crotch goblin out in 9 months WRAP IT UP.
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Don’t be putting any old edible things round your lady garden, no seriously, the things ive heard… Mcflurry 🙈 please.. Don’t do it.. Nobody wants a curdled ice cream foof and thrush for the next 4 weeks. DON’T DO IT.
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Please for the love of god DO NOT be shoving anything up there that isn’t made to go up there… A&E get a good laugh around this time of year, don’t be one of the reasons why.
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Finally, and more specifically..if you’re not used to the wild nights, make sure you’ve got a day off tomorrow… ESPECIALLY if the chocolate starfish is involved. Don’t want any accidents at work do you…oh PS don’t trust a fart👀
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Good luck to you all and may your contraceptives not fail you, else next year might be a different kind of wild😘