The kid.. And the dick.

The story of the dick – and my kids face……

Ok it’s not QUITE as bad as it sounds. Believe it or not. Still frowned upon.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to be a better person recently, seeing all these sea turtles hurt by our rubbish in the sea,and you know just trying to be abit better in the rubbish department.

Turns out going through baby wipes the way i do (makeup, dusting, makeshift kids baths) is totally NOT GOOD for the environment.

So i thought right, well… Ok.. I’ll buy some reusable wipes and just start small like.. One to take my makeup off or whatever. No biggy.

Now with my jump to being a better human came wanting to support small businesses, call me Saint bloody Beth.
There had been a post on an Etsy page about not having as many sales as hoped for, ON A REUSABLE WIPE!!
So.. Duh. I bought it.

Turns out..they’re bloody fab and I’m totally feelin’ them. So when my 4year old oscar got toothpaste all round his mush before school… No fear.. The reusable wipe is here.

Just shove me on a pedestal and call me eco friendly, small business supporting, turtle saviour Beth. Right? Well.. I mean.. Yeah, i am totally great- BUT… (AND ITS A BIG BUT) i also forgot to mention one teeny weeny detail that i bought this ladies worst seller…..u know, because I wanted to help.

And the worst seller.. Was the worst seller because.. Nobody REALLY wanted to wipe their face with a reusable penis wipe.

So yeah.. I wiped a penis all over my child’s face. He asked some questions and like the good mom i am, i was diplomatic and honest and used the right names for the male anatomy.. You know.

Not great when he trots into school telling mrs Hoohar that mommy wipes his face with wet penis’s

Can’t wait to show the social services how I’m saving the turtles. 🐢

Incase you too wanna help the turtles.. Or perhaps a dick hasn’t touched your face for a while ,links below 👇

Home school.

I want to talk to you, the parents homeschooling – those of you printing worksheet after worksheet.
Getting a text from “Mrs Hoohar” asking where your submitted work is?

Children learn- NONE STOP, trust me! The second i said SHIT my one year old was bellowing it out for the neighbours to hear.

But importantly learning isn’t always sitting, it isn’t always sheets of letters and numbers ITS NOT DOING TIMES TABLES ALL DAY.

So if youre feeling guilty, here’s something to take your guilt away.

Go for a walk, play a game of eye spy, talk about the seasons-have a race!
Google what your area looked like years ago! Show them pictures.

So far you’ve had a lesson in letters, geography, p.e & history!

Get them to count out the biscuits for their snack plate. Eat 2 yourself and ask how many are left. Theres maths!

Get them to do the washing up? Bake a cake? Measure the quantitys. Home economics.

Read a book at bedtime, they’re still learning.Literacy!

But don’t feel like you have to do it all, put learning games on the tablet! Put a film on, fire questions after it-comprehension.Let them play in the garden. Have they seen the snow? Get them to draw a picture of the snowman they made!
Get out the lego see what they can build!

Learning doesn’t have to mean PRESSURE – and as for Mrs Hoohars text, tell her you’ll do the detention. The things they’ll learn now are invaluable, this is REAL life. And it really doesn’t matter if they don’t get changed out their pjs😉

Even if you do one or two things, thats enough. Don’t worry.

Good luck parents 🍀❤️

Wouldn’t change a thing.

I moan a lot about the tough times in parenting but the truth is, i love it.

I love when i can sit in the cinema *pre covid* guilt free and when the movie gets to the funniest bit, i check out the little dude giggling beside me.

The night feeds absolutely killlll me, but when i go in the next morning, she hurries to get up and puts her arms out to me with the most huge smile.

I love seeing them learn something new and notably how proud they are of it.

I love when they give you a cuddle for no reason at all.

I love when we’re all just sat as a family enjoying the moment..

So i do need wine to make it through this experience that is true… But i love it. And I’d never change a second of it.