Its ok, if you don’t feel it straight away

Have you ever been super excited about something like a gift, or perhaps a holiday, but once it comes, even though it lives up to all your expectations you still don’t feel how you expected to feel?

Well….babies can be the same.

After battling infertility for 4 years, i was finally blessed with my baby boy and once he was born i’d been waiting for this absolutely amazing rush of love like no other.. Because we’re often told about this rush that we’ll experience aren’t we?

“it’ll be a love like no other”

And as a mother, i do REALLY love my children. Of course i do, but that rush of love was not the moment i layed eyes on them. I mean i expected it to be, but it wasn’t.

Actually the first one the immediate thought was “woah….. I’ve got to look after this baby now SHIIIIIIT”

And after the second was..

“well she’s a funny looking thing, i hope she doesn’t make a habit of this crying lark”

My rush of love came 3 days later, along with the 3 day weepies.

And with my second, it was a gradual build of love.

Strange right? Not really.. Turns out actually this is common and people don’t talk about it.

So basically, I’m gonna tell you about it. We are programmed as mothers, maternal and amazing, but we’re not all the same. We don’t all feel the same. And there’s no shame if that love doesn’t come straight away, i mean theres no doubt that we do love them because theyre ours but it’s definitely not the overwhelm that i had dreamed of. Y’know?

I do feel like this expectation does put masses of pressure on us as mothers, It did me anyway, and let’s be honest it’s hard to think about love when you’re downright exhausted.
But this expectation had me feeling like i wasn’t right as a mom, like was i not a good mom? Was there something wrong? Is this postnatal depression?

if you feel like you’re not bonding with your little bambino or are worried that you have baby blues or post natal depression you should for sure talk about it with your midwife, but i do think this pressure is well… A little bit much.

So sure, some people feel instant love, some feel it after a while, and some it needs to build but please never feel like what you feel is wrong, you’re a great mama and there’s nothing wrong with you. ❤️❤️❤️

An open letter to my partner…

Dear partners,

In advanced warning – no we’re NOT in the mood.

YES we are f**king fed up.

YES You should order takeaway again (and dont you dare emphasise the AGAIN or mention our slimming world membership )

And ABSOLUTELY YES get another bottle out.

this won’t be forever, we don’t REALLY hate you, or the children. But we are struggling right now.
We know you are too.
We’re doing our best soldiering through.

Love us,
The tired, workingfromhome,homeschooling parents.

XOXOXO

Wouldn’t change a thing.

I moan a lot about the tough times in parenting but the truth is, i love it.

I love when i can sit in the cinema *pre covid* guilt free and when the movie gets to the funniest bit, i check out the little dude giggling beside me.

The night feeds absolutely killlll me, but when i go in the next morning, she hurries to get up and puts her arms out to me with the most huge smile.

I love seeing them learn something new and notably how proud they are of it.

I love when they give you a cuddle for no reason at all.

I love when we’re all just sat as a family enjoying the moment..

So i do need wine to make it through this experience that is true… But i love it. And I’d never change a second of it.